I am afraid...

...to keep a journal because it might be found and read by someone.

When I was little (prob. 5-10 yrs) my brothers used to find my diary(s) and read them. They would break the lock (unfortunately those little locks were more for show than for locking) or sometimes just bend back the cover and read whatever I'd write. I imagine they found something like this (yes, probably even at 5 years old):

Dear Diary,
I really really like Jeff. He's cute.
Love, Susan

Whenever I journal or keep a diary my entries normally end up in "letter form." I actually found that when I pray it tends to follow a letter format, too. Something like:

Dear God,
How can it be that there are so many struggles going on in this world that it's so hard to pick a cause to support? American Cancer Society or Invisible Children or Locks of Love or Mutual Ground or RAINN or....? Why can't you make it so that there's only one Worthy Cause at a time... it sure would be a lot easier to pick one and stick to it. Maybe even make a real change in the world. But, I guess if you wanted to eliminate all struggles but one you'd probably go the extra mile and eliminate them all...right? Well, I should go do some homework/watch tv/fall asleep/get to class/get lost online. Talk to you some other time.
Love, Suz

I have a journal that I kept when I was traveling in Spain. I wrote stuff in there that I don't want anyone to ever read...so why did I write it? And why do I keep it? I don't want to destroy it because it has a lot of good stuff in there (where we went, what we saw, how it changed me), but there are parts where...well, I get embarrassed when I think of what someone else would think of me if they read it. I'm even embarrassed of what I think of myself when I read it. But should I cross those parts out? Throw the entire thing out? Rip out those pages? I don't know... it feels like I'd be defacing something important. I think instead I will just buy a new journal. Start fresh. Hide this one away and hope that no one ever finds it.

Why did I start thinking about journals? I was doing a little "Stumble Upon" action and I came across this: www.wreckthisjournal.com. It sounds like a cool idea to get over my fear of journaling and get back to being creative. I haven't felt creative for awhile and I miss it. Maybe I can make a journal that is creative and also something that I wouldn't have to lock up or hide away. A journal that is an expression of me and open-ended enough that it is not easily understood by the casual observer.